Friday, September 10, 2004

Claire's Automatic Writings

From the look of Claire's place it appeared she had been trancing all night. It was like a blizzard had taken place in a stationary store; paper strewn everywhere. We found ramblings written in texta on the walls and the fridge. Claire had spray-painted the letter Y in dots, in the same way our black brothers do, on all of her doors. We began to worry about her, wondering if she was referring to some dis-ease of her own (we've never known Claire to be political in any way so it was unlikely that it was a reference to Prince Harry's controversial dot paintings). The sparkle of her Melanie Griffith screen-saver caught our eye. This was unsettling, Claire is not one to leave electrical equipment on, it tends to flip her chakras. Tentatively we nudged her mouse, dissolving Melanie's sparkle to reveal an unnamed 23 page Word document. So far we have deciphered 10 pages. It's like peering through a mystical keyhole.

Claire must have been in quite a state as she had changed font every few paragraphs, returning obsessively to comic sans. It took us hours to disseminate the voices that spoke through her, and there certainly were some recurring themes involving popular music. Prince Harry will continue the tradition of noblesse oblige so beautifully embodied by his late mother. Instead of looking after the sick and the dying, Harry will stick with what he knows. His largess will concern the plight of celebrity offspring who have lost one (or two) parents, empowering them through music. Meeting Heavenly Hiraani Tigerlily Hutchence Yates and Frances Bean Cobain in rehab (once again taking the rap for William) will change his life. Knowing that 'art is the only real drug' Harry will use his considerable funds to finance the girls post-post electro grunge outfit - Children Of The Fallen (COTF). Casting himself as artistic director and Sean Lennon as producer, the bands first single will be titled - "Daddy, Why'd Ya Do What Ya Did?" Their album, simply titled Y will go platinum and the cover, designed by Prince Harry, will be heralded by Rolling Stone Magazine as a triumph in post-it modernism.