John 'Jack' Elliott

As you guys know we are really good friends with Jack Elliott.  He loves us.  He's 70 now and had a few turns to celebrate.  We didn't go to the big do at Gary Morgan's, we know what Gary's parties are like.  Apparently Ted Baillieu showed his bourgeois face. The Savage Club was more our kinda thing, it is spacious, restful and presents a civilised place of meeting, conversation and relaxation against a background of superb furnishings and appointments.  The 'bohemian spirit' of the place was juxtaposed with the jazzed up working class food, roast, puddings, white bread and butter.  Because Jack never drinks crook wine we had good shit.

Just before pudding Jack came and smoked between us, making his usual ribald comments about Joanne being away a lot and how we should come to his penthouse with no undies.  We have known Jack long enough to recognise the pattern, he is about to lead in with a matter of deep importance to him.  Sure enough, before too long Jack wants to know what happened to his album that we recorded with him.  We explained again - because we'd told him before - that our house burnt down, the files were destroyed.

Jack asked us if we had one of those Smart Phones, or whatever they are called.  As we did have one of those phones on our person we end up in the toilet for 'Disabled Savages and Laurie Oakes'.  Jack reckons the acoustics are magnificent in there.  He wants to give Joanne one of those cards that sing when you open them.  He's got the perfect song for her.  She works for Qantas.  And with all that travel she can have him with her all of the time.  He turned out the lights and told us to hit record. We did.

Jack Elliot, Eddie Maguire and Us

Yes, it has been a while since we've been home. Thanks to the thousands of concerned fans for their emails and flowers and general enquiries as to our whereabouts. We want you all to know we're both fine, in fact we've been having a great time working on a new and varied punk & blanket project. We refuse to be locked into one form of release so we are diversifying. Behold: p&b Records!

Our first recording is of our friend Jack Elliot whom we 'discovered' singing in Florentino Bistro the night after the Melbourne Cup last Spring Racing Carnival. After lunching at Jack's penthouse in Carlton, we knew that he'd be wonderful to work with as he is a very keen singer who charmed us through all 3 courses. It would not be an understatement to say that Jack is an extremely confident man - even his lewd comments seemed 'right', so as soon as we decided to launch the record label we called Jack straight away.


Jack Elliot

We're happy with how it's sounding. We'll have our sample podcast online soon. We're realising how great diversification actually is, and once again, we thank Claire Voyant, our guide, our confidante, our light, for steering us toward our natural destiny. Claire spoke of the importance of being polymathic, to not limit our gift and to take something from the success of Eddie Maguire, whose omnipresence is a result of him maximising his gift. Her words inspired us beyond belief, but we were puzzled by her example. Eddie Maguire is a worry. We see him regularly in our off-leash dog park. He has a dark aura and an intolerance of Staffordshire Terriers. Once, when our terriers were 16 weeks old, Eddie saw us coming and bundled his children (who were not that small) and their footy and ran to the other side of the park, nervously glancing backwards every ten metres or so. We have also heard a rumour that he's developing an interest in Scientology, which wouldn't surprise us given his new job working for Jamie Packer, fresh King of Australia and devout Scientologist. When Tom and Katie were out here for The Goanna's funeral, Eddie and Jamie were spotted stealing off for late night audits in the stars' hotel room. If Eddie is indeed a Sci-Fi, we fear for the future of Channel 9 and the Collingwood Football Club.


Jamie Packer's preferred e-meter: The Hubbard Professional Mark Super VII

Smoking Is Good

Because of smoking we get more breaks at work.

Because of smoking we have reason to leave rooms with children in them.

Because of smoking people know we are cool, so we don't have to try.

Because of smoking we get to sit outside at restaurants.

Because of smoking we laughed so hard with Mick Jagger we forgot (for a nanosecond) that he was famous.

Because of smoking we had sex with a waste management entrepreneur.

Because of smoking we met Jack Elliott and he invited us to lunch at his penthouse and asked us not to wear underwear.

Smoking is good.