Thursday, September 02, 2004

Bytes From Table 301

Once again we are delighted to be privy to some scorching (and highly sensitive) information. In the early hours of this morning we received an urgent call from our friend in surveillance (no name). He was begging to come over to our office at The Righi Cafe in the Car Park Arcade, Malvern. He said he had some audio that we "had to hear". As it was 5am we agreed to meet him in three hours time 'cos The Righi doesn't open till 8.
At precisely 8.01am, our friend (no name) burst through the door, ordering a cappaccino on his way to our table. Slamming down his iPod, he looked at us all wild-eyed, trembling with silent excitement. Offering us a headphone each, he pressed play. The following is what we heard:

*General restaurant sounds: plates, glasses, conversations etc* Waiter: Hello Mr Gatto. The usual? Table 301?
Mick: Yes
*footsteps* Acquaintance #1: Hi Mick!
Mick: Hi.
Acquaintance #2: Mick, hi.
*sound of backs being patted*
Mick: Good to see you.
Acquaintance #3: G'day Mick.
*sound of handshake*
Mick: Ciao.
Enemy: Hello Dominic.
Mick: Get out of my office.
*sound of gun cocking* *footsteps, running* *sounds of Mick sitting down - chairs, tummy rumbling*
Waitress: The usual, sir?
Mick: No thanks, just a Caesar Salad today.
*sounds of footsteps, trotting*
Benji: Hi buddy.
Mick: Hello stranger.
*sounds of panting*
Waitress: Would your friend like a bowl of water? *whispers* He's got beautiful markings.
Mick: He'll be right. *to Benji* Have you eaten?
Benji: No, Carl's on a diet which pretty much means I'm on a diet too.
Mick: Atkins?
Benji: Nah, The Zone.
Mick: You must be really hungry then, my friend.
Benji: *sniffs* Yeah.
Mick: Well, I've just been to the butcher and he gave me a special treat for you...lots of marrow for a shiny coat!
Benji: *excitedly* That'd be great, mate!
*sounds of chairs pushing out, footsteps, trotting* *slam of back door, silence for 30 seconds*
Benji: Where's my bone, Mick?
*yelping, three gun shots*