Friday, February 29, 2008

The Wayne Carey Crimp

for Noel & Julian

grabbing tits
was my life
then I sauced
me best mate's
wife

GLASS THE BITCH
GLASS THE BITCH
GLASS THAT BITCH

they sprayed mace
in me face
tied me up
like a mental
case

GLASS THE BITCH
GLASS THE BITCH
GLASS THAT BITCH

went to Koh Samui
just to be me
took the bitch
in case I
itch

GLASS THAT BITCH

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Mr Mom?

We were in Hanoi on an extended break, fresh from our viewing of Uncle Ho (aka The Green Man), when a text came through from our tribal lands: 'We have so much to discuss. Heath is dead. Nic is pregnant.'

We hastened to the nearest temple* to catch BBC World. It was true. Nicole Kidman was claiming to be pregnant. We were so blown away because we have told all of our friends - and even people who are not our friends - that Nicole Kidman does not have a womb and she has never had a period in her life! What were we going to do? It meant we looked like we didn't know what we were talking about! Stunning.

We used up all of our dong calling medical authorities in Sydney and Melbourne, only to learn that they were as perplexed as we were.

Then we heard that Mr Kidman (Daddy, not Keith), an engineer and psychologist by trade, will deliver the baby 'at home' and we thought, shouldn't a 41 year old 'woman' with her obstetric history and money be having her first born in the finest birthing suite, attended by actual doctors? And what's with having your Dad deliver your baby? Sick.

Our long standing claim found corroboration in the Korean Job Discussion Forum. All we can say is there must be a prosthesis and a spooky baby machine sister involved. Scary family.



*newsagent/source