Friday, May 27, 2005

Poem 4 The Pit Dog


Miners taught
‘em how to fight
Yet they held ‘em
Close to keep warm
At night

It made ‘em tough
But loving too
So pleasing is the
Only thing they
Wanna do

They can’t help
The disaster
When a master
Lives through
His dog

Saturday, May 14, 2005

russell crowe Lower Case Appeal

Our mission is to bring russell crowe back down to Earth. From now on we will only write his name in lower case, thereby stripping him of his Proper Noun status. We urge all members of the media, and the planet as a whole, to do likewise. It may seem trivial to some however there are many issues at hand, the biggest one being russell's head. Join us in this grassroots crusade. The russell crowe Lower Case Appeal needs your help!

Friday, May 13, 2005

New Zealand's Megalomaniac Knows NO Boundaries

Will New Zealand's Russell Crowe ever stop?

His delusions of grandeur are triggering anxiety within us. If he is not medicated soon, we may have to resort to pharmaceuticals or voluntary admission to a psychiatric facility ourselves. Within the last two weeks we have had to brace ourselves before reading the morning's broadsheets, something we used to find relaxing. It appears nothing is sacred to this seemingly ubiquitous self-styled sage. We don't know if it's the birth of the plump Charlie Spencer Crowe or if Russell, following in the footsteps of Kung Fu's David Carradine, has become the Master and Commander, but NZ's Russ cannot stop giving advice. Whether it be the Prime Minister of Australia, the 3rd in line to the British Throne or parents around the globe, the Crowings are coming through thick and fast. Recent transgressions include:

DEMANDING the Australian government disregard the sovereignty of the nation of Indonesia and intervene in the Schapelle Corby matter.

BLABBING about his friendship with Prince Henry (Harry) to promote his solo album.

BANGING on and on about fatherhood and how great it is to be the Dad of the large-ish Charlie.

We used to admire the Kiwi's acting skills - he made a great Neo-Nazi - but now we are unable to separate the actor and the celebrity. Like anyone else we can suspend our disbelief, but the last Russell Crowe movie we saw found us contemplating which scenes Russell had rewritten.


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Charles Spencer Crowe at 3 months

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Caution Bernard

As Bernard Fanning records his solo album, we feel the time has come to offer a gentle warning: Bernard, the path you are choosing is fraught with danger. Others before you have broken free from their groups to release material on their own and the results speak for themselves:

Brian McFadden - dumps his band, dumps his wife and dumps his album on us.
Katie Underwood - had moderate success after leaving Popstars' Bardot but was last seen working on reception at the Banish Laser Hair Removal Clinic on Commercial Rd, South Yarra.
Michael Hutchence - was recording his solo album when the stress of it all drove him to seek the ultimate relief.
Paul McCartney - John Lennon would NEVER have let him release Mull of Kintyre.
Mick Jagger - solo album was almost as chilling as his portrayal of our Ned Kelly.

Bernard, if you require any further examples, need counseling or if you just need someone to pick you up, don't hesitate to contact us as this isn't the first time we have worried for you. We didn't understand why you took your group to the Danish Royal Wedding Celebrations. We have truck with Princess Marketing of Denmark, she is a square. We didn't RSVP to the weddding invitation, we are using it to make filters for our special cigarettes.

Monday, May 09, 2005

Baffling Moments in the History of Popular Culture #1

* Chrissie Hynde recording a duet with New Zealand's Russell Crowe.

* Yoko Ono records Walking on Thin Ice.

* Walking on Thin Ice becomes a Dance hit.

* INXS' search for Michael Hutchence that began with Terrence Trent D'arby and is culminating in a reality TV show where people compete for Michael's old job.

* Gretel Killeen and Saxon Small doing it.

* The success of Rove McManus, the bastard child of Tony Barber and Jimmy Hannan.



Monday, May 02, 2005

Bali 9 Commemorative T-Shirt Offer

Available in Bonds sizes small, medium, large, and extra large.
40 bucks.
White only.
Send your order to punkandblanket@yahoo.com.au. First in, best dressed.

T-Shirt #1

T-Shirt #2

T-Shirt #3