Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Offence by Group Email

Group emails are the bain of our existence. We NEVER send them ourselves and we normally delete any that are sent to us. We find them insincere, lazy and loaded with self-importance. Group emails that contain boring details of their 'fabulous' holiday are particularly repugnant. As if we care! As if we are interested! So you can imagine our disgust when we open an incoming email from a friend we haven't seen in ages and it turns out to be a group email, addressed to about 230 of her 'closest' friends. And to further the insult our friend, who once produced important feminist texts, has reduced herself to chronicling the details of her life as a porn tourist. Check this out!

To all my friends and family,

Happy New Year to you all. As I write this I am on my fifth trip to Venice in the last twelve months. It’s such a beautiful city, I just cannot keep away. And after the debacle of that show I’m in dire need of my own reality.
There’s a Polish boy here this time that has piqued my attention. We have not yet spoken but I have heard him ordering a frappe and the melody of his partially broken voice certainly fires the loins of even this post-menopausal woman. This morning I passed him on the pier, our eyes met for a second until he bashfully turned away. I watched him walk on, his firm buttocks like two eggs in a hankie. I have a feeling he is a Naval Cadet as he is often dressed in a sailor suit, which only adds to my longing.
I’m staying at Hotel Concordia (you know, the only one overlooking San Marco square), and it seems my little friend is too, albeit with his parents. Last night at dinner they were seated at a table not far from mine and I was convinced my Polish boy was fixated on me. I stared back at him but our moment was interrupted when a middle aged man asked me to sign his copy of my latest book. I had to chuckle at the irony of it all!...

We won't bore you with the entirity of the letter. Needless to say we have not clicked on reply.