Achtung!

In the wake of yesterday's ferocious crocodile attack in The Top End we are taking it upon ourselves to warn visitors to our Wide Brown Land that Australia is becoming more and more dangerous. Thousands of deadly Saltwater Croc's are veering off the Crocodile Highways¹ and making their way into people's tents. We feel it is only a matter of time before Germany looses another tourist. To assist travellers to Australia we have compiled a list of handy hints:

1. Never ever smile at a Crocodile, it will not lead to any form of bonding. They are cold blooded and do not make good friends.
2. They are fully protected so pre-emptive attacks are a no no.
3. Swim in designated safe areas only - so if you see one of these signs
don't enter the water.
4. Do not accept sweets (or any other inducements) from Crocodiles. Do not get into a car with one.
5. If at a water's edge or mangrove keep throaty growls to a minimum. You could attract a male Crocodile in search of a mate. Crocodiles mate for several months, and seem to like it. This could hamper your holiday itinerary.

Please observe our advices so that you arrive home in one piece. Have a lovely holiday.
With love and respect,
punk and blanket.

¹"They often travel from one watercourse to the next and use the ocean simply as a crocodile highway..." Gary Zillfleisch, retired croc handler.