Monday, September 11, 2006


We are very very worried; our sage, our seer, our guru, our lifestyle coach and dear friend Claire Voyant is not returning our text messages. That may not seem strange to some but Claire is a chronic texter. Normally her reponses are virtually instantaneous, so much so that we actually suspect she communicates with her phone telepathically, controlling the keys with her mind, never even resorting to the use of numbers or symbols. We didnt really expect her to say anything about the pictures of our new shoes we'd mms'd through, but the fact that she didn't comment on Steve Irwin's passing has raised the alarm. Claire loved Steve but more importantly she's the president of Rays of Light: Australian Stingray Enlightenment Society so we are incredulous. We've tried her landline and knocked on her door where we sensed an eerie stillness. Yesterday we kept an all night vigil outside her place, huddled in our car with blankets around us and a thermos of tea. There were no signs of life or anything out of the ordinary. Today we contacted all of those people who regularly see Claire, Marc from The Crystal Shop, Trevor and Gary from Health Food for "U" and Bruce from Prahran Meats. No one had seen her. We tried to contact her gentleman friend, Murray but he had already left for Queensland to recite his bush poetry in memorandum of Steve Irwin. In absolute desperation we decided to use our key and enter Claire's house so that we could hack into her computer, which was pretty easy as the password was Claire. A cursory glance at her History revealed Claire had been participating in V8 Supercar Forums. Strange. Weird. Slightly disturbing. Claire doesnt even own a car and she's against motorsport of any kind because of the damage it does to our environment and she really hates Michael Schumacher. Yes, Claire is still a water skier, but she became addicted to barefoot skiing way before we knew the environmental consequences of churning through petrol, and at least it keeps her active, weight always having been an issue for Claire. We'll be keeping you all posted on our quest to find her as we doubt we'll be getting much sleep.