Saturday, December 03, 2005

Father crowe

As we think it's clear that sooner or later New Zealand's russell crowe will move into politics, we have been entertaining ourselves lately with a game we call 'Pre-emptive crowe Job'. Basically the rules are you have to predict russell's political career path to the tune of one of the songs from My Hand My Heart (anyone using 30 Odd Foot of Grunts' songs is disqualified). So far some of our winning ideas have seen russell as a member of the Liberal Party (flexi L liberal), where he will assume the role of either Minister for Family and Community Services, Minister for Health, where he will work tirelessly to increase the size of the humidicrib in all Australian hospitals and birthing centres, Minister for Veteran Affairs (cos russell always wanted to be a Vietnam Vet), Prime Minister, for obvious reasons, or Governor General, because he, as a man of the people, could get away with sacking the Prime Minister if he didn't like him/her. But the other night, we were having a few Mini Baileys with our lifestyle coach, Claire Voyant and when we asked her if she wanted to play she said the game is completely on the wrong track as russell has bigger ideas, way bigger than Australia and New Zealand. He will found his own religion, The Church of the Rusty Nail. Claire reckons the signs are everywhere and that we've tapped into some of them already - crowe Impersonates Christ, the obvious allusions to stigmata in the titile My Hand My Heart and his new single Testify - so she was flabbergasted we'd wasted our time with politics. Even the band he plays with now are called Ordinary Fear of God (apparently 30 Odd Foot of Grunts referred to the size of Christ's cross, but it was too subtle, with most people believing it was some reference to the combined height of the band members). His constant vocalisation of his persecution (crucifixion) via 'the media', his strange obsession with 'His Son' AND his claims of friendship with the overt religophile, Nick Cave also illustrate his burgeoning messiah complex. When Claire laid all this out on the table we felt really, really stupid. Of course!