Mushroom Chef Waits For Verdict. Day 5, Morwell Lock Up

 

Dank

Three pairs of socks.

Instant coffee and dry biscuits.

A slice of cheese.

A crumpled hard copy

Of the Herald Sun.

No longer front page.

Erin

Hears muffled laughter.

A glove through the bars.

Hands her an unripened

Orange.

Debbie Rowe (Blanket's Lament)

*in the style of Billie Jean*

Debbie Rowe

is not 

my mother

but what a girl 

she's proved 

that she 

is the one

except to 

the youngest
son

Poem For David Carradine

walk on rice paper
leave no trace

climb in closet
to a higher place

Stolen

We are the victims of identity theft. Recently it has come to light that two people are posing as punk & blanket in order to judge a local poetry competition. Apparently, this had been going on for two years. They have even hacked into our site and planted the competition under our 'Gigs' section. They have done something to it that stops us from deleting it. These rumours sent us into a spin so we decided to stalk the imposters. We researched them on myspace and facebook and even went to the poetry competition's grand final to see them in real life. We were unimpressed; they're not our kind of people. Our sartorial integrity was at stake. We didn't know what to do. How could we stop this ongoing theft when no-one knows who we are? In order to stop them we would be forced to reveal our true identities. Then what kind of superheroes would we be?

As always in times of trouble, we sought an audience with Claire. She's been a bit withdrawn lately. Ever since her arch nemesis Charmaine won The One: The Search for Australia's Most Gifted Psychic, Claire has been pale, withdrawn and insecure about her Gift. Luckily, practical advice was all we were after. Claire's had some experience dealing with identity theft when an impersonator was draining Dodi al Fayad's credit card. We explained our predicament and initially Claire looked aprehensive and took a deep look into the fridge door. Then she said "Well, what is identity?" She entered into a full examination of what identity means. A lot of it we didn't understand as it was pretty technical stuff. We drifted off and settled into our listening faces. Our ears pricked up when Bill Henson's name was mentioned in connection with Grayam. According to Claire, Grayam got really messed up with identity issues after posing topless for Bill in the eighties. When the picture's became really expensive, Grayam told everyone that Bill had stolen his identity. Claire said that even to this day, the Henson affair has damaged Grayam as he is supremely narcissistic and unable to differentiate image from reality.

This was all very well for Grayam, but we're under threat here. Our's is a different polemic. It is not imagined identity theft, it's real. Saying all this to Claire, she peered over her magnifiers and wide-eyed sans blinking, and goes "Yeah but, who are punk and blanket anyway?"

The Wayne Carey Crimp

for Noel & Julian

grabbing tits
was my life
then I sauced
me best mate's
wife

GLASS THE BITCH
GLASS THE BITCH
GLASS THAT BITCH

they sprayed mace
in me face
tied me up
like a mental
case

GLASS THE BITCH
GLASS THE BITCH
GLASS THAT BITCH

went to Koh Samui
just to be me
took the bitch
in case I
itch

GLASS THAT BITCH

Smoking Is Good

Because of smoking we get more breaks at work.

Because of smoking we have reason to leave rooms with children in them.

Because of smoking people know we are cool, so we don't have to try.

Because of smoking we get to sit outside at restaurants.

Because of smoking we laughed so hard with Mick Jagger we forgot (for a nanosecond) that he was famous.

Because of smoking we had sex with a waste management entrepreneur.

Because of smoking we met Jack Elliott and he invited us to lunch at his penthouse and asked us not to wear underwear.

Smoking is good.

Sorry Steve

One Big Pig
Stole A Show
And Did TV
Trying To Pretend
He Wasn’t Greedy

One Big Pig
Tried To Eat
The State Crockery
Calling The Breaks
His Heartfelt Charity

One Big Pig
More And More
Still Not Enough
Got Caught Stealing
Going Got Tough

One Big Pig
Says He’s Sorry
Deeply Deeply Sorry




Disgraced Melbourne businessman steve vizard straining to smile at Melbourne Airport.

Schapelle's Hotman

Hot Man
Gold Pistols
Mullet Hair
Make Sure
You Make
It Fair

Poem 4 The Pit Dog

Miners taught
‘em how to fight
Yet they held ‘em
Close to keep warm
At night

It made ‘em tough
But loving too
So pleasing is the
Only thing they
Wanna do

They can’t help
The disaster
When a master
Lives through
His dog

Fresh Prince with Red Hair

Now this is the story all about how
My life got flipped, turned upside down.
And I’d like to take a minute just sit right there
I’ll tell you how I became the Prince with Red Hair.

In a palace born and raised
In bubble-wrap is where I spent most of my daze.
Chillin’ out, maxin’, relaxin’ all cool
Shooting wild animals cos we’re born to rule.

Then my parents, who were up to no good
Started making trouble in the neighbourhood.
They used to fight and my Mum got scared
Told everyone she used to love a man with Red Hair.

I begged and pleaded with them every day
But they got a divorce and Mummy went away,
On a yacht with an Arab and dragged us along
Threw us a disco while he and Mum got it on.

One month later, yo she’s dead!
Wrote my card to Mummy then went out of my head.
Went to talk to Daddy but Daddy wasn’t there
Too busy being a tampon, no time for the Spare.

I turned to the bottle, I turned to the bong
Cheated my exams (which apparently is wrong).
Started painting dots like the natives Down Under
Only cos it looked so easy - didn’t wanna steal their thunder.

Wore a swastika, made front page
Daddy was incandescent with rage.
Third in line, I’m only a Spare
Got no purpose, just the Prince with Red Hair.

The Surrealists Prayer

Our Founding Fathers
Whose arts in Heaven
Hallowed be thy names
Thy automatic writings come
Thine will be done
In Australia as it was in Parisian cafes
Give us this day our daily surrealist activity
And forgive us our bourgeoise tendencies
As we forgive those who bore us at dinner parties
And lead us not into minimax
And deliver us from earnestness
For thine is the truth
The Marcel and the Andre
Forever and ever

Amanray

Simon Overland's Lament

I see you in my dreams



My baby faced Soprano


Playing with your



Puppy in the surf



I hear your cries



"No Jason" "No Jason"



I hear your lies



"Not Jason" "Not Jason"




Mr Williams



Let me sleep



Signor Williams




Bring the peace



This feud



This war



Don Carlo



The truth



Must come out

Urgent Plea

STOP! ENOUGH!
POSH
STOP! NOW!
KYLIE
STOP! ENOUGH!
GUY RITCHIE
STOP! NOW!
GWYNETH
STOP! ENOUGH!
sam newman
STOP! NOW!
DON BURKE
STOP! ENOUGH!
KARL LAGERFELD
STOP! NOW!
DANNI
STOP! ENOUGH!
JUSTIN
PLEASE!