Look-alikes

Inspired by those village life YouTube Channels, we’ve been preparing neatly cut kindling for our winter fires.  Last night we’re in our workspace shearing through some dead gums, and the dogs start barking.  Someone is arriving, without an appointment.  Caitlyn Jenner appears on our screen in extreme close-up. There’s no time to tidy up or to put on some classy clothes.  We buzz Caitlyn in.   

We do not know Caitlyn but we’re sure she’d want to know us. Opening the door, we realise it’s Ali, Alison Rose Prior, only friend of mushroom killer Erin Patterson.  Had we known we would never have allowed this dark empath access to our space.  Now, Alison Rose Prior (OFOMKEP) stands before us.  Her hair seems way longer than when she was ‘supporting’ Erin Patterson at her trial.  It’s now slithering against her bottom.  We shepherd her towards the chair where she will be able to see our multitude of screens. She won’t accept any refreshments but seems happy she can smoke inside. Once seated, with two hands at her napes, she flicks her weighty hair.  It falls back into the same shape with a soundless thud. Tugging on rolled chop-chop, she informs us that she and Erin are massive Del Kathryn Barton fans and could they purchase the original of their portrait. We remained blank faced and mute, blinking intermittently.  

This exchange is clearly something we cannot get mixed up in.  Obvious reasons.  There wasn’t any point in telling Alison (OFOMKEP) the original wasn’t really an original.  We just didn’t say anything, and our faces bore no expression. Claire always told us if you meet evil do not recognise it and its power will get stuck in a spiritual trough full of astral slime. Ali (OFOMKEP) started to roll another smoke, and we went back to our kindling.  We do not look anywhere near her eyes again.  Alison (OFOMKEP) stayed seated, her hair around her like a cape.  She did not move; she did not speak.  The atmosphere grew tense and the humidity higher.  It was not clear as to what she was waiting for.  Finally, the pressure of her energy and her filthy cheap smoke was too much to bear.  We packed our stuff, put the dogs on their leads, turned the lights off, and went home.  No goodbyes, we just left her there, in the dark.  We know she can’t steal anything because of her profile, but we did take the weed with us.